Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
