Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
