His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
