god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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