Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
