My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
