I'm so fucking centered right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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