Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
