So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am spending my child support on dildos
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
