She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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