elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
