you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
