Jerry, you need to find god
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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