im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
