I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
