My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
