dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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