we're making bets on your personal life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
