I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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