Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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