Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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