You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
