I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
