distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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