He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
