The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
