If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
