If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
