I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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