Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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