Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
