he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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