Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
