And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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