WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So many bounce houses so little time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
