I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
