Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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