did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
