I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
