I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
