I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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