Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
