How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
