Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
