I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
