The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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