Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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