I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
