fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
