I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
