I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
