Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
