3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
