We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
