I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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